From "Greek Mythology", by Greek humorist and slang devotee Nikos Tsiforos. (1900-1970) pp 309-311. Translated by Nick Nicholas The suckerdom of people, on which each religion is based, has been the selfsame from the first day till even today. She calls you. --- Human, says she, you are the centre of the earth, right? And you are the centre of the earth. Indeed. From you starts the look which reaches up amongst the immobile frozen stars, from you starts the hearing that picks up the song of the leaves and the music of Tchaikovsky, from you start desires, the fear of tomorrow, innate instincts, greed, the hate for destroying, the desire for creating, the struggle for surviving, all from you, and here in your chest, to the right of your heart, you feel a teensy little thing which is some little bird from the wind and is called a soul; like it or not, you believe in the end that you're the centre of the creation of the Universe and you buy it that you're important and great and you think it over in that mysterious radar called the subconscious. --- Yeah man, that's me. That's right, me. Of course. Say sompen? Religion has given you the golden pill, whichever religion it may be, and it's laughing on the inside and tells you on the outside: --- You see, you sly fox? And all of a sudden, when you're all happy about becoming a centre, she clouts you around the ears. --- Take that, you jerk. So you're bemused. "Excuse me, how dare you clout a centre of Creation? Please show some breeding." Religion bursts out laughing most rudely in your face. --- You're gonna die, you jerk. Here your feet go all weak. You go yellow. --- Come again? --- You're gonna die. A dreadful thing to say, bite your tongue and move from your spot, but still, it's true... --- That's right, you're gonna die, says Religion, and flowers will blossom in the spring and streams will flow with silver-water and doner kebabs will turn and tickle people's noses and girls will wear linen dresses. Everything will be pretty, lit billboards, cars, picnics, butterflies dancing about the light. Devil take his father! Just think! All that will exist and you - nix. They'll have shoved you into the ground, down at some ungrateful cemetery, in the beginning there'll be care enough to light you a filthy candle and pray the Trisagion for you, then your closest relatives will forget you, they'll start smiling timidly to later reach the bass guffaw, some crappy dogs might piss on your grave, and later, in two generations, nobody will study you - who studies their greatgrandfather? - and there won't be, my poor idiot, even a memorial urnful left of you in the world. Now you go all chilly. --- Holy Moly! What bad luck! This is what Religion's been waiting for. Throw you in the well of despair, and now she offers her hand. --- Come. --- What? --- Come, you dolt, you're not dying, I'm not letting you. --- You serious? --- Now hang on. Let's be clear: you will die, but what will I arrange for you? Whatever will I arrange for you! --- What? --- Eternal life. And she opens you a door and shoves you in, the Christian into a blue- garden paradise, the Muslim into a honey-and-pilaff paradise, the Hindu into a nirvana of absolute tranquility, and each bastard has fixed up his own paradise with his own set designer and now advertises it like a travel agency, "Vizit'ez les Canaries" and nice things like that. It's no good for you, Mister, to be lost and to turn into dirt, and, following the law of the indestructability of matter, that your materials should return to the earth, "old materials from a demolition for sale", and that your soul unite again with the great fluidity of the Universe and go uniform with it and lose its self. Because death means this: "Lose your self". And because you want to exist amongst all this stuff that you know exists, you give your hand. --- Shit, get me out of this, and anything you want is yours. Religion has gained you now that you're alive, because dead you're not much use to her. And from now on she runs you as is convenient to her. If things get tough, it's not all just flower gardens. It's ovens too. She shoves you in and you get turned into a stew, world without end. And she threatens you: -- Watch out now that you're alive and there's time to do what I say, otherwise I can see you with garlic in the oven. And if you're tough, you can good and do otherwise. That's it. Someone once said: "Religion is a company which publishes shares in nonexistant mines." I don't remember who said it, but I reckon it was me. And nobody gets any dividends from these shares, but only the managing committee eats well. I reckon I said that too, and I'm going to hell, I know. di'e pagbu la'elu lei xelso ranmi li'u pefi'e la nikos.tsiforos. noi xelso xamfinti je pilno be le no'e jikri'i skutra bei lenu larsku zi'ene la 1900nan bi'o la 1970nan .itu'e The following is part of "The mass of Greek Legends", the one invented by N.T who was a (nation) Greek comical-inventor and user of the unformal manner of speaking in art-expression, and associated with that call the 1900 year and then the 1970 year. leka lei remna cu se tcica noi jicmu ro lijda cu nalcne co'a le pamoi djedi co'i le cabdei The quality, that People are deceived, which is the basis of all religion, is invariant starting with the first day continuing today. .i krixa klacpe do .ilu doi remna to'i le lijda cu bacru toi do ralju manri tu'apirole rolzda .iepei li'u Shout requests-to-come you. [mi klacpe le klama le se klama le te klama le ve klama le xe klama le ve cpedu; le te cpedu du ca'e le klama] "O Human [religion utters] you are the principal reference of all the all-house (Agree?)" .iru'a do ralju manri le rolzda .ija'a go'i .i do krasi le zu'o catlu noi te zgana lei narli'u ke dunja tarci .i do krasi le zu'o tirna noi ganse lei pezli savru .e lei zgike be la tcaiKOFSK. i do krasi le nunydji .e le nunterpa befi le balvi be'o.e le jinzi nu nalsanjypei .e lenu nunposnei .e lenu xebni semu'i le nunspo kei .e lenu prami semu'i le nunfinti kei .e lenu damba mu'i le nunrenvi .i do go'i roda .ice do ganse le cmacai pene'i le cutne be do zi'eperi'u le risna zi'enoipe'a cipni ra'i le brife gi'e se cmene zo pruxi .ija'ebo gu do djica lenu krici lenu do ralju manri le munje gi do cazu ca'a krici gi'e jinvi lenu do banli joi vajni kei gi'e pensi le li'i ralju manri kei ci'e le nalseljuncizra menca'a no'u leka nalsanji (Postulate) you are the principal reference of the all-house. This is true. You are the origin of looking which is the means of observing the nontravelling frozen stars. You are the origin of the listening which senses the leaf noise and the music by Chaykofsk. You are the origin of desiring and fearing the future and the innate unconscious-thinking and the possessing-liking and the hate which motivates destruction and the love which motivates creating and the fight that is motivated by surviving. You are so for everything. As well, you sense the very small in your chest and to the right of the heart and which is a bird from the wind and which is named "spirit". As a result, whether or not you want that you believe that you are the principal reference of the universe, you now (more or less) actually believe, and opine that you are great'n' important and you think of the event of being a principal reference, in the system of the unknown-strange mental apparatus which is the unawareness .ilu .iecai mi go'i ga'i .i ba'e mi .o'a .i fatci .i'apeile'o li'u .i le lijda ba'o cusku le ve tcica do va'onai le tarmi be vo'a .i ra mipri ckasu gi'e jarco bacru lu .i'edoi se xaurfunca li'u .i do carmi se pluka lenu binxo lo ralju manri .i suksa fa lenu le lijda cu dapydarxi do .ilu .ionai doi bebna li'u "(Intense agreement) I am so (haughty). *ME* (Pride). A fact (Accept? Aggress)" Religion has expressed the means of deception to you, not linked to the environment of the form of it. It secret mocks and showingly utters "(Approve) lucky one" You are intensely pleased that become a principal reference. Sudden is that religion curse-hits you "(Disrespect) O fool" .iseki'ubo do se cfipu kucli .ilu .e'anairo'a ca'i ma do dapydarxi lo ralju manri be le munje .i.e'osai ko jikca clite li'u .i le lijda cu jikfanza cmila co crane do .ilu do ba morsi .ionaidoi bebna li'u .i do cazico'a se tuple lo ruble .i do kandi .ilu je'ecu'i li'u .ilu do ba morsi .u'anai li'u For this reason you are confused curious. "(Prohibition - Social) With authority which? you curse-hit X such that X is a principoal reference. (Strong request) Be socialising polite." Religion social-annoying laughs in front of you. "You will die (Disrespect) O fool" You right now start having as legs weak things. You are dim. "(Roger?)" "You will die (Yawn)" .i le se cusku cu palci .ice.ei ca'iba'u le kulnu tcaci le cusku cu.a'o.ianai citka le tance gi'e .e'u cliva le cazi stuzi .iku'i .ie.i'enai le selsku cu jetnu .ilu do ja'aba morsi to'i le lijda cu bacru toi .icabo lei xrula cu makcu ca le vensa .ice lei cmari'e cu flecu le rijno .ice lei recyjupcarca'a cu carna ja'e lenu cpina leka sumne .ice lei citni'u cu dasni lei matli pastu .icajeba melbi fa roda .i go'i fa lei gusni ve'usni .e lei karce .e lei nurma ctisalci .e lei toldi poi dansu ru'u loi te gusni li'u The thing expressed is evil. By the authority of (exaggeration) cultural custom, the expressor should (Unreal hope) eat the tongue and (suggestion) move itself from the current place. However (Agree Disapprove) the thing expressed is true. "You will truly in the future be dead [Religion utters]. At the same time Flowers will be mature during spring. Small-rivers will be currents of silver. Meat-rotate-cook-apparatus will turn with result pungent in smell. Young women will wear linen dresses. Now and in the future all is beautiful. Thus are the light-emitting selling-signs and the cars and the rural eating-celebrations and the moths which dance orbiting lights." .i.o'onai mabla tcini .i .e'u pensi la'ede'u .i ge rodapede'u cajeba zasti gi do caku puco'u bu'a .iba'o setca do le dertu vi lovu nalkiryri'a mrofoi .i ca le seltei le nunke'i cu mukti lenu jelgau lo xlali laktergu'i gi'e jdasku la ciroi censa .ibabo le jibni mitselylanzu be do co'a tolmorji do .i co'a senpi cisma gi'e bazabo snosli ke laurckasu cmila .ila'a loi malgerku cu pincyvikmi ne'a le mrostu be do .ibaza re remyma'utei no prenu cu tadni tu'a do to mapaunai .ianai tadni le riryriryrirni toi .ija'ebo doi bebna .uuru'e no kantu be do ba se sinma vi levi rolzda (Anger) Damnable situation. (Suggestion) think of the previously said. Both all to do with the above will exist and you will at the same time have in the past stopped (). Have already inserted you into the dirt far away at a non-thanking-cause dead-field. At the start of the time the pity will motivate the lighting of the bad wax-source-of-light and to pray the Three Times Holy. Later the close members of the same family as you will unremember you. Start doubt smiling and after a while slow-oscillate loud-mock laughing. (Probable) Damnable dogs urine-excrete adjacent to the dead-place of you. [Note that site of death would be nunmrostu]. After two human-mature-times zero persons will study the action of you (who? (Disbelief) studies the rearer's rearer's rearer) As a result O fool (slight pity) no quantum of you will be respected in this all-house. ni'o do caco'a cinmo leka lenku .ilu .ii.i'enai mi se funca lo xlali li'u .i le lijda cu denpa di'u .i denpa lenu pe'a renro do le to'e pacna jinto condi .icabo dunda le xance do .ilu ko kansa mi li'u lu ki'a li'u lu ko kansa mi doi bebna .i do banai morsi .i mi na'e curmi li'u lu zo'onaipei li'u lu to'unai .e'o ko jimpe .i do baje'u morsi .iku'i tu'a mi rinka lenu mo .ike'u rinka lenu mo .u'a li'u zo mo lu baku'aroroiru'i jmive li'u You now start emoting coldness. "(Fear Disapproval) I have a bad think as luck." Religion waits for that. Waits that "throws you to the unhope well deep thing" At the same time gives the hand to you. "Be with me" "(Huh?)" "Accompany me O fool. You will not in the future be dead. I do not allow." "(Serious?)" "(In detail Request) Do understand. You in the future will (true) be dead. But I will cause what? Cause what (Eureka!)?" "What?" "Future-intersect-always living" .i le lijda cu kargau le vorme .i le xriso zo'u klagau do le tutrparadiso poi blarulkemymletcepurdi .i le muslo zo'u go'i fi le tutrparadiso poi bicyzdajomrisysaistu .i le xindo zo'u go'i fi le tcinrnirvana ne le romei ka panpi .i ro malpre capu zbasu le tutrparadiso po vo'a si'u le kinplapre pe vo'a gi'e ca venskicu ra ta'i tu'a lo datygugvi'e briju .imela'ezoify. Visitez les Canaries fy .e loi drata xamgu .ianai Religion open-acts the door. For the Christian, go-acts you the territory Paradise which is blue-flower-(-beautiful-much-garden. For the Muslim, ditto the territory Paradise which is bee-food-'n'-rice-meal-place. For the Hindu, ditto the situation nirvana to do with allsome peacefulness. All damnable person has in the past built the territory paradise of him helped by the movie-plan-person of him and now sell-describes it in the manner of a other-country-visit office. To do with "V l C" and other good things (Yeah, right...) ni'o do ga'iro'a na se xamgu lenu ba'e do co'u zasti gi'e binxo lo dertu .ina go'i lenu le terzba be do ja'i leka lo marji na selspo cu se xruti file dertu tolu ju'ido'u vecnu loi slabu terzba pera'i lonu dinju to'ezba li'utoi .i na go'i lenu le pruxi be do cu krefu runta le banli flecu no'u le munje gi'e manfo pagbu ri gi'e cirko leka sevzi .iji'ubo le nunmro cu dunli lenu da cirko le sevzi be da .i do mu'i lenu zasti kansa.au roda poi do djuno ledu'u ke'a zasti cu dunda le malxance le lijda (para) You (social haughtiness) are not benefitted in that you stop existing and become dirt, or that the construction materials of you by the rule of the quality that matter is not destroyed returns to the dirt ("(Attention!) Sells old construction materials from a building unconstructing"), or that the spirit of you again is dissolved in the great flow which is the universe, and is a uniform part of it and loses the quality of self. This is said with basis that dying is equivalent to losing one's self. You, with the motive of wanting that exist-accompany all X such that you know that X exists, give the damnable hand to religion. .ilu .o'unai ko nurgau mi .isemu'ibo ro se djica be do zo'u mi zukte li'u .i le lijda ca jinga do ca'olenu do jmive .i do ca lenu do morsi na selplixau ra .i le lijda cajeba minde lenu do gasnu lei xamgu be ra .i fau le nunynalclite le rulpurdi na romei .i le toknu cu su'omei .i le lijda ka'e punji do ra ja'e lenu do cpina se jukpa.uunai ca'o le roltei .i ra tepygau kajde do .ilu ko kurji ca lenu do jmive gi'e ckaji lo temci poi banzu lenu zukte le se minde be mi .i do.e'unai fau lenu na go'i baba'a se jadni lo sunga ne'i le toknu li'u .i ga do virnu ginai do zukte lo drata .e'a.ianai "(Stress) Safe-act me. With that motive, for all things desired by you, I act" Religion now wins you during your living. You during your being dead are not use-good to her. Now and in the future religion commands that you act the things good for her. In the event of impoliteness flower-gardens are not all-there-is. Ovens are some of what-there-is. Religion can put you in it with result that you are pungent cooked during the all-time. She warn fear-acts you: "Take care during that you live and are characterised by time sufficient to act the things ordered by me. You, in the event you don't, will (I anticipate) be adorned with garlic in the oven" You are either brave, or don't do differently, or both. ni'o la'eda'u ca'a tcini .i da pu cusku lu le lijda cumelo kagni poi fatri loi cruple co paurponse be lo na'e zasti kuncpastu .i mi na cmemo'i fi lego'i .iku'i pe'i se cusku mi .iji'a no te fatri cu cpacu lo prali befi tu'a le cruple .i le turni kamni be le kagni cuku'i romei le mutce citka .ipe'i di'uji'a puza se cusku mi .i.i'u.i'a mi se jdadapma The above is the actual situation. () expressed "Religion is to do with a corporation which divides part-own a nonexisting metal-getting-plce permission- papers . I don't name-remember () However (I opine) was said by me. (Also) No person to whom was distributed gets a profit from that to do with the permission-paper. The govern committee of the company however is all of those who are the good eaters. (I opine) that (also) was said by me. (Known Accept) I am religion-cursed.