WikiDiscuss

WikiDiscuss


> , who was a dawn onto his own day, had waited twelve years
> zi'e poi ke'a cerni pe'a ke'a mo'u le pare senanca ku pu denpa

You need the terminator {ku'o} for the poi-clause so that the next
term is not part of the clause. Or, to avoid the terminator, put the
duration after the selbri (which is even closer to the original:
{zi'e poi ke'a cerni pe'a ke'a pu denpa ze'u lo nanca be li pare}.
{ze'u} indicates a long duration.

{le pare senanca} is not "twelve years", it is twelve year durations,
for example it could be 3, 5, 34, 4, 313, 59, 10, 12, 13, 1, 82 and 7.

> And in the twelfth year, on the seventh day of Ielool, the month
> of reaping, he climbed the hill without the city walls
> .i mo'u le paremoi nanca .e le zemoi djedi pe la .ielul. noi crepu
> masti ku'o ko'a cpare le cmana ze'o le tcadu bitmu lo ka galtu

To me the lojban says that he completed the climbing in the
twelfth year, since {mo'u} is a tense for {cpare}. I'd say
{ca le paremoi nanca} to indicate when the climbing happened.
I would also not use {.e} there: {ca le paremoi nanca ca le zemoi
djedi pe la ielul noi ...}

{.e} is distributive, so you are essentially making two statements
with it, "he climbed in the twelfth year, and he climbed on the
seventh day", which, while not strictly wrong, it sounds odd
to me.

> Then the gates of his heart were flung open,
>.i ca la'e di'u fe le vorme po'e le ko'a cnise'i cu renro kalri

Why {fe}? I'd also use {be} rather than {po'e}. And something like
{suksa karbi'o} for "were flung open".

> And he closed his eyes
> .i le ko'a kanla cu mu'e ganlo

{mu'e}? {le ko'a kanla cu ga'orbi'o} or, I think better, {ko'a
ga'orgau le kanla}.

> But as he descended the hill, a sadness came upon him,
> .i ku'i mo'i ni'a lo nu badri cu cfari

{mo'i ni'a lo nu badri} means something like "moving under a saddness".
I'd say something like {ca lo nu ko'a nitcpare le cmana kei}.

> in peace and without sorrow
> sekai lo nu panpi secau badri

{panpi secau lo se badri} or {panpi gi'e claxu lo se badri}?

Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long
were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his
aloneness without regret?
.i so'i se djedi nu mi lo cortu gi'e lemi ka sepli cu nicte go'i gi'e
ma kakne cliva le ko'a cortu .e le ko'a ka sepli secau lo xenru

{gi'e} can only connect bridi-tails, it must always be followed by a selbri,
not a sumti.

{clani fa lo nuncro djedi poi mi xaksu ne'i lo vi bitmu .i clani fa lo
nunynonkansa
nicte .i ma kakne lo nu cliva lo nuncro .e lo nunynonkansa secau lo nu xenru}

mu'o mi'e xorxes


posts: 92

> .i nu selklama le bloti

1. Start with: { ni'o ni'o pa mo'o }
2. Then: { nu le|lo bloti cu klama } or { nu klama fa lo bloti } or { nunkla lo bloti }

So: { ni'o ni'o pa mo'o nu lo bloti cu klama ni'o la almustafas } ...

i mu'o mi'e komfo,amonan po'u adamgArigus